Friday, January 30, 2009

what made me think that im the priority and not just an option? Stupid me.

there’s nothing more painful than being hurt for the same exact reason, and what’s worse is that deep inside I know that Im ready to face the same pain over and over just to be with him.

He said he likes me. But I guess that’s not enough. He makes me feel special but were just friends. M.U? I dont know, and it sucks.BIGTIME.

But the hell with it, he makes me happy and I thought that’s enough. Well that’s what I thought.  Being with him is like standing in the rain, it feels good but deep inside,you know its going to make you sick. I was happy just being with him, but in this type of situation, I was never prepared to the fact that one day he could come up to me and say that he has another girl and of course, who am i to blame him if im just a friend, right?…
He broke up with his ex. With the f**** ex. He said that they are trying to fix things but he realized that It’ll never gonna work out. Shocking. I never thought he’s still talking with the ex. Much more, trying to build a broken relationship. Well, I should be happy, thrilled and full of joy.  

The important thing is IT DIDNT WORK OUT. 
But that’s not the case. I felt like a toy that was set aside when the kid found the long lost barbie doll.

I felt stupid, I felt betrayed. So all this time, when I was dealing with my feelings for him and thinking that its okay to be hurt just to be with him, he was out there exchaging hugs and sweet kisses with the long lost ex. When I was in my bed thinking of the times that we spent together, he was out there with another girl. Stupid me.

What made me think that he feels something for me? What made me think that he’ll stay? What made me think that Im the priority and not just the option?

I said im done. I said Im through. Its about time to let go of the things that hurt me even if they make me happy. I dont want the time to come that all the happiness was gone and all I could feel is the pain. I’ll let him go.

But deep inside I know I cant. What should I do?…Make me dumb, right now.

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